Tuesday, February 3, 2015

It will not end

Today was another infusion of meds and follow up. My dad sends a text they are waiting for the dr, the doc is running behind. We don't hear anything else for hours great, this is when your face of normality starts to slip. My anxiety sky rockets, my imagination starts telling me that something is wrong and they don't want to tell me and my sisters. I start texting mom, dad, the family group, desperately asking what happened at the appointment. I feel like I can't breathe because if it's bad news I have to make sure mom can emotionally handle it, I have to watch my dad and sisters, makes sure they are ok. I get a text from the second sister, who lives here, that nothing has changed. Everything is ok.
She then sends a message to me and my two other sisters alone and said the only different information today was dad asked about remission and the dr had to explain with lung cancer there is no remission. They continue to treat the tumor like a chronic disease. Meaning it will never go away. We will live every day wondering when the medicine will stop working and her tumor will either spread or grow again. I understood this from my research from the beginning but now I have to watch my parents and sisters as they learn this news and absorb this information. I hate that they have this worry.

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