Thursday, March 26, 2015

Always something

You go through a constant riot of emotions every day. You are there for your family member who actually has cancer, they need you. They have the right to be depressed, mad, sad, and feel every emotion out there so you need to be sympathetic and let them. When I have emotions my husband tries to understand but he doesn't get it. He doesn't see my mom falling apart, my dad watching the destruction of his wife and marriage, my sister holding it all together with them living in her home and sister 3 and 4 coping fron out of state. He doesn't feel the pressure of keeping my moms spirits up. He doesn't feel the weight of knowing the tumor has grown a little and in reading all the literature (not Internet jargon) and realizing what the future holds with lung cancer, that I am feeling in pieces. I try to talk to him but he doesn't get it. But in his defense I'm not the best at communicating my own feelings. As soon as he shows any misunderstanding I shut down. I talk to sister number two but I try not to overwhelm her since she is married a year, new baby and has my parents in her home. She is a saint. I try to help but there is little I can do. When the weather warms up I can get dad out of the house more and that will help.

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